Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
