his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
