I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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