The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
