No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
