Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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