I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize