i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
