I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
