I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
