respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
