If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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