Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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