There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
