The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
