You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
