Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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