How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
