He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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