The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize