I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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