I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
