none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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