The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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