No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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