I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
