Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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