Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so much tequila, so little girl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
