I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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