why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
