There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
