I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize