He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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