What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
