Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i came on her dog
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
