PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
