Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
