I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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