After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
this hospital has no fireball
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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