Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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