I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
