I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
