yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
