What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
