No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
