The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I currently don't understand fingers.
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