she was so not down for the gang bang
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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