Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
