There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
