I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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