so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
