Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
