I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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