I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
