is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
false alarm, still single
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
