I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize