Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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