Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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