Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
