i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
