I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
