i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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