I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
