the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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