I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
