when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
