I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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