you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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