I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
