Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
